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A bastard, since the day I was birthed.
it is hard to wake up
everyone around me is always so negative. everyone always seems to ride off of others feelings, emotions, vibes or whatever. it’s so hard to stay happy around here when all everyone does is complain about what they have and what they dont have. it is so hard to be grateful though when everyone is always judging everyone and everything. it is a revolving cycle and it has got me so tired…and tired does not even describe it. i know where my happiness is. i know what i want to do, and what i want to experience for now. i just wish i had you to be there along my side… if you need an explanation you could always just ask…but all i ever seem to get is asked “why are you putting yourself through this? all of that? ” nobody is going to understand me, and i hate it… you understand me…. so much more than ever the past week. people that ask me why i try so hard…… have this feeling….. go through what ive gone through…. and then understand why it is so worth it… the good overweighs the bad a thousand times over. the past few weeks my friends and family have proved to me who cares, who matters, what they think about me, about my life….. and how much they do or do not care. i know i have problems….. i know i may be slightly crazy…. but i cant help it…. i see so differently…. but i feel like everyone else….. only because i am treated like everyone else… i just want you to experience what is going on inside of me, what i see, what i think of the world around us… and i want you to try to understand that thing you do to me….. the nervousness i get around you still….. why i cant help but stare at you when i see you… why i just sit and smile…. i see something you dont see in yourself… what others dont see… i need you to continue what youre doing….. i need you….. to bring out the best in me.
